Dear Isabel,
I don’t understand why religious people are sad when a loved one dies. They believe in heaven, so why are they mourning?
Confused
Dear Confused,
I can think of at least four answers to your question.
One is that not all religious people believe that there is another life after this one to which good people will go (heaven). Religious views on an afterlife vary considerably, and many people are religious but believe, or suspect, that death is the end, period.
Another is that those who do believe it may fear that either their loved one, or they, aren’t going to end up there. If someone believes in hell or purgatory, then the death of a loved one whom they have reason to think might be damned is about the most terrible thing they can endure. Someone they love has just been condemned to eternal punishment, or if it’s purgatory, then intense though not eternal punishment.
A third is that even those who truly believe that death is merely a separation are still deeply grieved to be separated from the people they love. Their faith may reassure them that they will one day be reunited in heaven, but that could be a long time to wait. Decades, perhaps. That is certainly a reason to weep.
And a fourth is that even those who believe that death is just a separation may love this life and want the people they love to share it for as long as possible. The death of a young person, in particular, is cause for tremendous mourning because they had hopes for them for this life. A parent dreams of seeing their child grow up, become a happy and good adult, with all the adventures and experiences of adult life. If the child dies before these things happen, the child has lost something irretrievable, and so has the parent.
Finally, even people who sincerely believe in heaven may have moments of doubt and fear that it is not real. Those moments must intensify their grief considerably.
Wishing you well,
Isabel
Next week: Losing my religion
What is mourning? Is it carrying on because we have no choice? Is it crying until you have no more tears? I truly do not think I have “mourned” my sister’s sudden death. At first too busy and then just traveling through an interesting life. I think of her with sadness, often, but mourn her, I don’t think so. And that, for me, seems ok.